Sarah vs the mixed CD
by Kate McK
Summary: My first songfic, oh boy. Chuck makes a last ditch effort to get Sarah back after she tells Shaw her real name. With a CD.
1. Chapter 1

**Sarah vs the mixed CD**

Chapter 1

A/N Apparently there's one more season 3 story to tell – it takes place after 'The fake name'. My first song fic, inspired by Doc in Oz – his is so much better though. If you haven't read 'Flame trees' yet, I highly recommend it.

I don't own Chuck. Other disclaimers to follow at the end.

* * *

Sarah pushed her hotel room door closed behind her. Wearily she rested her head against it for a moment. She was still emotionally drained from the day before. She hated watching Chuck lose himself. Yesterday he lied like a pro. He took on the identity of an assassin and he pulled it off. With help from her. It made her realize what she has become over the past ten years and it made her somewhat desperate to get that person back that she was before. And born from that desperation she showed up at Daniel's and told him her real name. It felt wrong the minute 'Sam' slipped from her lips. He was not the guy she wanted to tell. Then Chuck showed up. He heard. She'll never forget the look in his eyes when he turned to her. He was there to sell his cover, but the hurt was real. As was the fear when she had that gun pointed at her head. They both felt it. All she could do was lock gazes with him, hoping he could still read her as he'd done so many times in the past. _I'm so sorry I failed you. _

She wondered how Chuck was doing. He took a personal day and spent it in his room working on his computer. She saw Hannah on the surveillance feed clearing out her locker. According to Casey, Chuck broke up with her. Sarah suspected that Casey only shared the information because he felt bad about the crack he made yesterday morning when Chuck came bouncing into Castle. She felt the flicker of pain crossing her face before she could hide her emotions and he must have noticed. Even Shaw suspected she was still in love with Chuck, which is why he agreed to take things slow. It seemed the only one who didn't know was Chuck, but she was sure her confession to Shaw was the last straw.

Sarah let out her breath slowly and pushed herself from the door. She felt something under her foot and bend down to pick it up. It was an unmarked disk. Frowning she moved over to the bed and started up her laptop. She kicked off her shoes while she waited for the application to open and slipped the disk in.

She gasped when she heard his voice.

_Hi Sarah, it's Chuck. Please don't push the stop button. Look, I know things between us are…well, you know…and we haven't really talked about it, so I was thinking…hoping that maybe…if you could just take a few minutes and listen to this. That's all I ask. I know music is not really on top of your list of priorities, so I'll try and give you a little guidance here. Forgive me if this seems a little…I don't know…high school, but you see…despite being an eloquent schnook, I really suck at writing letters. Besides, this is how nerds do it. With technology. _

Sarah couldn't help the small smile that formed. Chuck still had his sense of humor. He didn't lose everything that made him great.

_The first song I chose is called…uhm…it's called Sarah. I know you're real name is Sam, but the thing is…to me, you'll always be Sarah. Do you remember what you told me the first time I asked you what it was like to be undercover? You said that the details are different, but you're still you. So even though you chose to tell Shaw, I like to think…hope actually, that I still know you better. That's unless he figured out the olive and pickles thing. Then again, he did read your file. I can do that too, you know. It's in the Intersect, but I choose not to. As much as I want to know everything about you, I respect your privacy. Of course nothing will make me happier if you want to tell me about it someday, but if you don't, that's okay. So without further ado, here's your song. _

Sarah smile faltered and she pressed the pause button. This was the last thing she expected. Two years ago Chuck told her they could never have a future because he'll never know anything real about her. Now he's forgiven her for her mistake with Shaw. Dare she hope? There was only one way to find out. She pressed the play button, folded her legs under her and leaned a little closer to the screen to hear better. And she listened to every word when the song started.

_Another restless night without you  
Secret feelings locked away  
I close my eyes and think about you  
I memorize each word you say  
Oh emotions tear me apart  
Thoughts never spoken are here in my heart_

One memory immediately sprang to mind. "You're a spy now, Chuck. You have to keep your feelings to yourself." He did just that. The man who was always so open closed himself off, especially to her. And she never thought she could hurt worse than that day in Prague.

_Every day you pass beside me  
never once you look my way  
The inner conflict that's inside me  
to try and find some words to say_

She watched him quite often through the surveillance when she was alone in Castle. It was as close as she allowed herself to get. She watched until the whiskey bottle was half empty on the night he burned Manoosh. She ached to go to him, but he didn't need her protection anymore. He declined her offer to take care of the asset for him. She saw the way he smiled and toasted with Hannah at the family dinner. For the first time she felt the pain of being replaced.

_Sarah I need you  
Sarah you take my breath away  
Sarah I gotta have you  
Sarah you take my breath away  
Hey you take my breath away_

Chuck still needed her. She needed him probably more. Pausing the disk again, she got off the bed and went to her closet. She unzipped the back pocket in her suitcase and took out the picture. Without looking at it, she balanced it in the bottom corner of the screen. She lay back against the headboard and closed her eyes as the disc continued to play.

* * *

A/N I'm bored, so sue me. The song is 'Sarah' from Chris Norman. He's that guy from Smokie, I think. I could be wrong. I googled this, the other songs will all be recognizable. So now I have four unfinished stories published – eish. I should have some time on Friday to work on 'Anniversaries' and hopefully finish it by then. This one should be finished quite quickly – four chapters in total and the second one is almost finished. I'm having trouble downloading season 4, so that story is gonna take a while. "Covers" is still an inbetweener, but the updates will be more frequent than in the past. Then again, life happens.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sarah vs the mixed CD**

Chapter 2

A/N Major editing on the lyrics here. Apologies for the short chapter, but I have a paper in 36 hours, about 6 days of studying still to do and 0 motivation. I hope this isn't too confusing – it's quite late/early, depending on your perspective. Maybe you should read it at 2am :) I don't own Chuck.

* * *

…She unzipped the back pocket in her suitcase and took out the picture. Without looking at it, she balanced it in the bottom corner of the screen. She lay back against the headboard and closed her eyes as the disc continued to play.

_So heroes are your type. It makes sense. Bryce. Cole. Shaw. They're all heroes. Real live James Bonds. But I can't help remembering that night at Ellie's wedding before my dad interrupted. You asked me how many times I have to be a hero to realize I am that guy. Do you still believe that, Sarah? Do you still think I'm a hero?_

Sarah opened her eyes and stared at their picture as the song started to play. It was one she recognized, but never really paid much attention to until now.

_**Would you dance, if I asked you to dance?**_

The first time she asked him to dance was to disable Casey's men and save his life. The first time he asked her was to take out a possible assassin. Then there was that time in between. She asked. Sarah knew the night of Ellie's wedding her life was about to change. If she only knew back then how it was going to turn out. If only… It took a lot of introspection to realize that there was nothing she could have done to stop what happened. To save Bryce. To save Chuck.

_"Chuck, I don't want to save the world. I only wanna save…" _If only.

_**Would you run, and never look back?**_

Prague. O God, Prague. She was scared he wasn't going to show. But he was Chuck. He wasn't just going to let her stand there waiting. Everything inside her lit up when she spotted him. She counted his steps until he was standing right in front of her. His eyes told her something was wrong. She tried to quell it by kissing him. Tried to convince him this was what they had to do. Then her heart that has been bruised so many times over the past two years shattered.

_"I'm sorry."_

_**Would you cry, if you saw me crying?**_

She did. She had to let go of his hands and watch him walk away. She wasn't ready.

_"Chuck." _He turned. _"Save you later." _She meant it with all her heart. She'd find a way.

_**And would you save my soul, tonight?**_

Chuck was losing his innocence. Day by day. It's a downwards spiral she knew all too well. She stood by and watched. Not because she didn't want to do something. She was just too numb.

_**Would you tremble, if I touched your lips?**_

_"If we were really dating, this would be the part where I'd be forced to kiss you goodnight."_

_"Forced? Would it be so bad?"_

_"Kiss me now."_

It wasn't for cover. For a few brief seconds she allowed herself to forget. There was no mission. No six months of just nothing. Then it was a goodbye. And she slapped him for taking it away from her.

_**Now would you die, for the one you love?**_

Agent Walker was assigned to protect the Intersect at any cost, even her own life. It was her job. Chuck never understood that. But it's an easy assignment. She'd prefer it that way. It took a while for her to understand what that meant.

**_Would you swear, that you'll always be mine?  
Or would you lie? Would you run and hide?_**

_"I don't want to hurt you."_

_"Don't worry, Chuck. You can't."_

Sarah was determined never to feel that way again. But then the wound healed. She realized it when she saw the footage from the vault, but she needed time to process. Chuck entered the world she was trying to leave. She was stuck. The normal life he was always talking about, the one she came to crave, was snatched from them. Then Hannah showed up and Chuck apparently decided to move on. She turned to Shaw for comfort. He lost his wife and she lost her...she didn't know what they were. Everything was always buried in covers and lies.

_**I can be your hero, baby  
I can kiss away the pain, oh yeah  
You can take my breath away  
And I can be your hero**_

Sarah stopped the disk. The memories threatened to overwhelm her. She went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face to wash away the tears. So much has changed over the past three years. Chuck knew that too. He was trying to remind her of their one constant and lead her back to it. He was being her hero and she didn't even realize she needed saving.

* * *

A/N The next chapter will be happier, the final one is aiming for epic. The editing on this thing is screwing with me. Hope the upload went well. I don't own the song, it's Hero from Enrique Iglesias, but I'm sure you all know that. I had another A/N here, but it disappeared, so if it shows up somewhere on this page, don't be alarmed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sarah vs the mixed CD**

Chapter 3

A/N Thanks for all the reviews guys! LittleCandyMan, I appreciate your enthusiasm for this story, but my plate runneth over at the moment, so I'm afraid it's gonna be 4 chapters for now. I don't own Chuck and Elvis died before I was born, so it's physically and legally impossible for me to have ownership.

* * *

Sarah stared at the play button for a long time. Chuck still had one message for her. She knew him. He was going to bare his soul and probably do it quite eloquently. And then it was going to be up to her. Is she going to trust him with her heart again?

_Now this is the part where I get a little pathetic. I kinda blame Ellie for this one. She told me to be a Bartowski. She said that I can't go too far, so here goes. I meant what I told you at Carina's engagement party. Of course then I picked the perfect time to pass out and missed your reaction. But if your request to Beckman was any indication...look, Carina told me you felt the same way, but then again, maybe she was just trying to get me to focus on the mission. This is all very confusing. So I thought about it and came to the conclusion that there are three possible scenarios here. A, you never felt it and it was all part of your cover, but somehow, I don't think that's it. You're great at your job Sarah, but I doubt you're that good. This is also were I want to apologize for the robot-comment. I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that and I'm really, really sorry. So that leave us with either B, you felt it but you don't anymore or C, you still feel it, which means the past few months must have been hell for you too. I'm torn between which is worse. I don't want you to hurt, Sarah. All I've ever wanted to do was make you happy. More importantly, I want you to be happy and if I'm not the one… I do want to tell you one more time though. Call me selfish, but I believe that loving someone is not a secret to be kept. I'm not asking for anything in return, just give me one more chance to tell you. Now I should probably warn you…this is the corniest love song I could find. And it was hard to outdo my baggage handler comment, believe me. So if I may borrow the words of Elvis Presley…_

Sarah smiled when the intro started. It was a song she knew by heart. Her mom was a fan. A fanatical one. While other kids learned nursery rhymes, she was singing along, swaying her little hips and pigtails to Jailhouse Rock. Even though everything changed shortly after that, she still had a couple of good childhood memories, but she didn't visit them that often. So for Chuck to choose this song…it was perfect. Almost as perfect as his speech. He loved her and he didn't want to hide it.

_Wise men say only fools rush in  
But I can't help falling in love with you_

It didn't escape her attention that Chuck never labeled her feelings. For a long time she verbally denied her love for him. Partly because it was protocol and she would find herself reassigned in a New York minute and partly because everyone she ever cared about left at some point. But she was confronted with those feelings every time his life was danger, every time he did something nice for someone and every time he'd look at her. Not to mention how the slightest touch spiked her heart rate.

_Shall I stay  
Would it be a sin  
If I can't help falling in love with you_

Chuck noticed. How could he not? She committed treason for heaven's sake. She rebuffed him that night in the motel because she needed to focus on keeping him out of a bunker and hopefully herself out of prison. Sarah was a planner and she didn't have one. Nothing that went beyond 'take Chuck and run'. Yet she felt oddly safe when she woke up in his arms the next morning. She was going to get that back. She'll find a way to work it out with Beckman, but first she and Chuck need to get on the same page.

_Like a river flows surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes  
Some things are meant to be_

Sarah hummed along as she retrieved her phone. Sending off a text she sat back against the headboard again and closed her eyes. Her mom always said it takes two to make a happy ending. She was too small at the time to understand what it meant. She wondered how different her life would have been if her mother had stuck around. Would it be easier to do this? Probably, but it was what it was. It's up to her now to handle this her own way. The only thing is, her way tend to screw things up. She sucks at relationships. She checked her phone even though she didn't hear it ring. She'll give it fifteen minutes. Then she's on her own.

_Take my hand, take my whole life too  
For I can't help falling in love with you_

Sarah grabbed the phone before it had a chance to ring properly. Rushing through the pleasantries she got straight to the point. The voice on the other end sounded shocked.

"_You need my help with what?"_

"You heard me."

"_Okay, who are you and what have you done with Sarah Walker?"_

"Carina, come on, I'm serious. Are you going to help me or not?" Sarah's patience was running a little thin. It took effort to not just jump in her Porsche and speed to Echo Park. She needed to be a little more prepared.

"_Fine, but I still think it's stupid."_

"Of course you do. I tell you what, if you do this, I will never say I told you so when it happens to you."

"_It is not gonna happen to me, Walker." _

"Pity," Sarah mumbled to herself.

"_Sorry, I didn't catch that."_

"Uhm…nothing." Sarah didn't even bother to not make it sound like a lie. That would just insult Carina who just gave a grunt that sounded suspiciously like a female Casey. She started to wonder if it was wise to turn to Carina for advice since she hadn't been in a relationship since high school, but that was more than Sarah could say of her own school experience. Besides, Carina knew her and they always had each other's best interest at heart, even if Carina had a funny way of showing it sometimes.

"_Do you have a pen?"_

"Yes."

"_Okay, now write these down."_

* * *

A/N Another short chapter, but I couldn't leave coreymon77 hanging with an upset Sarah. BTW has anyone noticed that I'm writing "American" these days? Or at least trying to? And yes, I know, this is not Anniversaries. Sorry, crappy day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sarah vs the mixed CD**

Chapter 4

A/N I don't own Chuck.

* * *

Sarah bit her bottom lip as she concentrated on opening the Morgan door without letting it squeak. She probably should have warned Casey, but she wasn't in the mood for one of his wise cracks. She'd rather have a bullet removed. Luckily Chuck wasn't the tranq first ask questions later type. She paused. The room was dark so he was most likely asleep. Should she wake him? She could hang around until he wakes up. No, that would be weird. Maybe she should have thought about this some more. Sarah was still contemplating her next move when the window swung open.

"Need a hand?" Chuck sounded amused.

Sarah gave him a tentative smile as she took his hand and stepped over the ledge. There goes her heart rate again. For a moment she just stared at him. He was wearing sweatpants and a grey t-shirt, his normal sleep attire, but he seemed wide awake. She realized she'd been staring.

"Hi Chuck." Her voice sounded half a pitch higher than normal.

"Hi Sarah. Do we have a mission?"

"No."

"Then I take it you listened to the CD?"

"Mmm hmm." Sarah realized he was waiting for her to elaborate. "It was…" Sweet? _Golly gee, thanks for making me feel like I'm eight. _She was never good when it came to expressing her feelings. "Can we maybe…" she motioned towards the bed. Chuck's eyes grew wide and Sarah realized what he was thinking. She cleared her throat to try and prevent from blushing, but it didn't work. "I meant sit down."

"Oh," it was Chuck's turn to flush, "of course. I'm sorry. I don't know why I thought that. I mean it's not like we…"

"Chuck?" Sarah interrupted. His rambling made her more nervous.

"Yeah?"

"This would be a good time for you to stop talking." Sarah sat down on what used to be her side of the bed. Kicking off her shoes, she scooted back against the headboard and drew her knees up to her chest. Chuck sat on the edge of the bed. She patted the spot next to her. "I don't bite you know."

"You don't have to, you have knives." Sarah couldn't stop the little laugh that escaped as Chuck moved closer. His eyes darted from her face to her hand reaching into her pocket. "I was just kidding." Without a word Sarah pulled out her phone and placed it between them.

"Call me," she requested quietly.

"But you're right here."

Sarah sighed. "Please just do it?"

"Okay," Chuck frowned and reached for his phone on the night stand. He speed dialed. When Sarah's ringtone started to play and she suddenly felt kind of shy. It's not like she'd done this before. She sank her head onto her hands that were resting on her knees.

_You, by the light is the greatest find  
In a world full of wrong you're the thing that's right  
Finally made it through the lonely to the other side_

She felt Chuck's hand on the back of her neck, playing with the hair that escaped her ponytail. She turned her head to him and he gave her the biggest smile he was capable of. Sarah smiled back, reached out and traced his lips with her thumb. "It's been a while since you've given me one of those," she whispered.

_You set it again, my heart's in motion  
Every word feels like a shooting star_

Chuck moved her hand to his cheek, then captured her other hand and did the same. "I owe you something," he said as he leaned closer. Sarah closed her eyes slowly as his lips brushed over hers.

_I'm at the edge of my emotions  
Watching the shadows burning in the dark_

Once Sarah was satisfied that she got the kiss she expected in Prague, she moved to her knees and tangled her fingers through Chuck's hair to pull him closer. Then she suddenly pulled away. She rested her forehead against his, but didn't open her eyes. "Listen," she whispered breathily.

_And I'm in love  
And I'm terrified  
For the first time and the last time  
In my only life_

"It's a beautiful song."

"It's more than that, Chuck. The minute I heard it…it's what I want to say. There's more, just listen." Sarah went through the entire list Carina gave her and they were all great choices, but when she listened to this one, she just knew.

"Nothing's worse than knowing you're holding back," Chuck quoted.

"You know it?"

"Uh-huh. I sing it in the shower all the time. It reminds me of you."

"I could be all that you need if you let me try," Sarah quoted back, but her eyes told Chuck that she was doing more than reciting lyrics from the song.

"All I need is you. Just the way you are. And it's okay to be scared, Sarah." Chuck brushed a stray hair behind her ear. "It's quite normal actually. When you love someone you risk it all and that is truly terrifying."

"You're just eloquent any time of day aren't you?"

"Well, in the spirit of honesty, one of those lines is from a song and one is from a movie."

"It doesn't make it any less true," Sarah answered as she leaned towards him again. Then she covered her mouth with her hand to try and stifle a yawn. "Sorry," she said sheepishly.

Chuck pulled back. "Didn't get much sleep last night?" He wasn't accusing her of anything. He sounded more concerned than anything else. The truth is she didn't. She kept playing those faithful minutes in Shaw's apartment over and over again. She shook her head slightly.

Chuck lie back and spread one arm open. "Spoon or pillow?"

"Pillow," Sarah replied and settled her head on his chest, listening to his erratic heartbeat. It matched her own. She threw a leg over his, but he managed to extract one, trapping hers. His arm around her back pulled her tightly to him. Sarah let out a contented sigh, but there was one more thing she wanted to clear up before she fell asleep.

"Chuck?"

"Hmm?"

"If you ever break up with me again, I will break you."

"I'm never gonna let you go again, Sarah."

"Good, because I'd hate to hurt you, Bartowski."

"That's what you're gonna call me every time I get in trouble, isn't it?"

"Well, when you're trying to sound intimidating, it's more effective if you have extra syllables to work with."

"So what I should be expecting is Charles Irving Bartowski? That would be just cruel." A giggle slipped from Sarah's lips.

"My mom…" she cleared her throat, "my mom used to say 'Samantha Ann Lisa Williams, get you behind to your room right now'."

"Uhm…Sarah?"

"Yeah?"

"You do realize you just told me your real name?"

"Yeah. Was it better than 'it's Sam'?"

Chuck tilted her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "Oh, Sarah," was all he said before capturing her lips. His kiss told her that everything was going to be okay. When he pulled back, he caught her gaze again. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course. Anything you want to know, I'll tell you." Sarah knew she could trust Chuck to keep her cover intact, but more importantly, she could trust him not to judge her based on what he will learn about her past.

"That's a lot of names."

Sarah smiled. "My mom had a difficult pregnancy and because she and my dad were only children, I was going to be the only grandchild, so my grandmothers got into this huge fight over whose name I should get as a middle name. My parents compromised by giving me both." Chuck stared at her for a moment. "What?"

"Do you want me to call you Sam? When we're alone, I mean. Obviously I don't wanna blow your cover."

"Don't you like Sarah anymore?"

"I love Sarah."

"Then let's stick with that. And it's not just for the cover, Chuck. Sarah is who I am now and I'm comfortable with it."

"Okay. I was just wondering…a while back you said you wanted to be a real person again…"

Sarah propped herself up on one elbow. "I still do, but it has nothing to do with a name, Chuck. I'm just so tired of hiding my feelings. Denying I have them." She played with the hem of his shirt. "I know it's imperative for the success of missions and that's fine…it's just the times in between…when I'm with you…" Sarah trailed off.

"We're just Chuck and Sarah?" he supplied. Sarah nodded. "So…will you on a date with me? One where I actually get to walk you to your door and kiss you goodnight instead of you bundling me into a car and speeding away from some random bad guy trying to kill us?"

Sarah's hand moved up his chest, enjoying the feel of his newly taut muscles under her fingers. "I'd say yes to the date, but maybe you should stay over. You know, just to be safe."

* * *

A/N That's it, folks. Okay, so this was epically cheesy, but I know you like it (wink). Now I'm sure most of you have seen this video on YouTube – Terrified by Katharine McPhee and Zachary Levy. So no, I don't own it. And if you can give me the line from the movie (it's slightly edited) you won't win a prize, but you will feel good about yourself for about twenty minutes. C'mon, it's easy.


End file.
